https://hmha.missionhouses.org/files/original/382b04584facafce65d7575e824f2c6f.pdf 88138f27612d75848edfcdd4093b4753 PDF Text Text l('li l'l ii'",! I." ,. ,. I ;La �1825 Sabbath day Feb 27th 1I~~elcome sweet day of sacred rest, That saw the Lord arise; Welcome to this revivng breast, And these rejoicing eyes. 1I Eternally blessed be he who hath istituted(l). set apart & sanctified this day for his own worship, &ever blessed by his holy name that I have been taught to esteemate(l) it above all the days in the week. Delightful as it is to worship God be- low, & spend a day with him on earth, yet my heart is so corrupt. my best performances so defiled with sin. that I long to bid adieu to earth and connence a Sabbath that will neve(l) have an end. 11arch 6th. ~1r. B. preached from Psalms 2 & 62st(?) Kiss the Son lest he be angry & ye perish from the way when his wrath is kindled but a little; blessed are all they that put their trust in him. Wilmington. Tomorrow he &Mr. Graham go as missionaries to May the blessing of Heaven attend them, may the (1 ) be the means of doing much good in that section of the church, and when the(!) return, may they be filled with the Spirit of the living God, & resolve anew that they will spend & be spent in the service of Jesus. Saturday H.D. ~tarch 12th Had the inexpressible pleasure of seeing my beloved A.B. & Went v/ith then to Mr. Bls -- Attended singing school & spent an hour with Mrs. C. in the evening. Sabbath, heard an excellent gospel sermon preached at Brandywine by t4r. Greer from Romans (3d & 27th) works? \'Jhere is boasting then? Nay but by the law of faith. by faith without the deeds of the law. next day, attended by Hr. P. It is excluded. By what law? of Therefore we conclude that a man is justified Passed the night at ~1r. Mis & returned the Though I was much obliged to him for his politeness, yet his company was not agreeable, becase(l) he lightly esteemed the Rock of my salvation, & raised objections to every article in my faith. I told him I was will- ing he should remain in the undisturbed posession(l) of his Unitarian creed, & whenever I should be fully convinced that his religion would impart to me a greater happiness than that w"ich I professed aid, I would embrace too. Till then I would adhere to Calvanism(1), and if he by his own righteousness and holiness should enter heaven, I hoped I should not be excluded on account of trusting in the righteousness of Jesus Christ, as I was determined, by his grace assisting to live in the constant practice of every known duty, & to obstain from every known sin, and if I perished �2/1825 I perished. but if I was saved. not unto me but unto God be all the glory. Saturday r~arch 19th. This is my birth day. to make it memorable: Several things have this day happened but what most ought to impress my mind. is that I am rapidly urging my way to to(1) the eternal world. I am indeed an unprofitable servant. Years, months. weeks and days fulfil{l) their appointed course. and obey their Maker's law, while I do nothing but make work for repentance. I do feel that I am exceedingly vile, and every succeeding year aggravates my my{!) guilt. this may be my last. 0 that I do not wish to live any longer in this sinful world. I do earnestly desire to be delivered from the power of sin, Oh! when shall it once be? Cheerfully would I give all earthly joys a\,/ay to be forever blest. Sabbath March 20th. How little does my resolutions agree with my practice -- How few christian graces I possess: all my righteousness is as filthy rags. and my iniquity like the wind doth take me a\,/ay. Have pity upon me, 0 my God and grant that my soul may prosper & be in health. and may I be an everlasting trophry{l) of thy victorious grace through Jesus Chri st. March 31st. Visited a friend this afternoon. & in the evening \'1as again permitted to attend prayer-meeting. How precious are the privi1 iges(1) I enjoyl Why do I so little appreciate their worth? 0 for a heart pregnant with gratitude to God for all his mercies. Friday Apri1e(1) 1st. Mr. B. & I dined with us to day. to enjoy the society of Christian friends. It;s really p1easent(1) Let the world choose for their com- panions whom they \,/il1 , but ever in the sa ints of the Lord, in the excellent ones of the earth will I delight. Sabbath-day Aprile 3d. God. Snow & storm have prevented me from going to the house of Hy spirits are exceedingly depressed, & no wowonder{l). The foolishness & corruption that are bound up in my heart & daily breaking forth in my life are causes of perpetual sorrow. 01 how I hate those lusts of mine -- 01 how I long to gain the ascendancy over my evil propensities & passions -- 01 had I wings like Noah's dove. I soon would sing like those above. Aprile 9th. ~1r. B. preached from llosea~2d. 6 & 7th. Therefore I will hedge thy way with thorns. and will make a \'Jall that she shall not find her paths. And she �3/1825 shall follow after her lovers, but she shall not overtake them; & she shall seek them, but shall not find them; then shall she say. I will go and return to my first husband, for then it was better with me than Thursday evening Aprile 14th. nO\'I. Dr. H. called. and went to prayer meeting with us. Heard a most heart-searching address from these words, And Gall io cared for none of these things. Saturday Aprile 16th. Read Doddridge's essay on religious declention. Was very lI)uch dejected all morning on account of my apostacy from God; but in the afternoon my spirits were revived by meditating on the unchangeble(!) perfections of the Deity, & by engaging in the delightful exercise of social prayer. are the consolations of the covenant of grace! Oh, how great Vile and sinful as I am I would not renounce my interest in that covenant for the whole \'lOrld. Sabbath-day Aprile 17th. A~2ke Christ shall give thee light. thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and How salutary, how seasonable the call. decend(l) into my heart and enliven all my drowsy powers. in~ Holy Spirit 0 let me not indulge sloth & spiritual slumber when every moment brings me nearer to the judgement seat. Oh Eternity! my portion. born son. what is time in comparison to thee? and yet Ithou art to be Yes, thou will be the portion of all mankind from Adam to his last 0 what wonders will thou disclose to my sight when this va1n and visrion- ary scene shall disappear! Whither will thou carry me? ment whilest thou art performing thy everlasting round? Hhat shall be my employ0 thou great Judge of quick & dead, prepare me for the dying hour; Then come the joyful day, come death & some celestial band. to bear my soul away. Sabbath. Aprile 24th. ~tr. Babbit a\,/ay. Have spent the whole day in my chamber. Finished reading Hr. Gray's sermons & hope I have not perused them in vain. that my piety was proportionate to my priviliges. 0 for grace to love the blessed Jesus more, & have my whole heart life & conversation agreeable Sabbath-day May 1st. Isaiah 5th & 20th. 0 to the gosple(l). Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil. that put darkness for light, and light for darkness, sweet for bitter, and bitter for sweet. L.ord let not me thus invert the order of things; let not this curse hang over my head, let me not deceive myself; but 0 do thou guide direct and keep me in the right way, for thy mercies sake. �4/1825 Sabbath-day 8th. ~1ay Have been highly favoured to day. one preached by our pastor. the other by & ~1r Latta. Think I feel more mortified to the things of the world than I did in the morning. bid it a final farewel(l). past life~ Heard two sermons. the 0 that I was prepared to It is with the deepest humility that I look back on my All is a barren wast(l). all an unfruitful field. Though I have made the most solemn profession of my faith in Christ. yet how often has my evil heart forsaken him to follow this present world. What a mercy I am not in hell! 0 what a wonder of mercy. that I am not reaping the reward of my iniquity in that world. where death and despair forever reign! but instead of that. I have been invited to come & renewedly join myself unto the Lord in an everlasting covenant. neven to be forgotten. Here is my safety. and here will I fix my trust. though I am shure(!) it will be with difficulty I shall be saved. I will In this God I will repose my confidence. to his everlasting covenant leave. & though he slay me yet will I trust in him. Sacramental Sabbath, Ivtay 23rd. a for the pen of a ready writer to record what I have heard, seen and tasted of the word of life this day. I am at a loss for words to express my gratitude to God for his unbounded favors. tongues to sing the matcless(1) praise of my incarnate Redeemer. his grace! his love is without a parallel. a for a thousand How astonishing He hath again feasted me. sinful. un- deserving. worthless me, with the sacred symbols of his flesh & blood at his table1 o\~ He hath again condecended(!) to confirm my interest in the covenant, & I think, if I am not greatly deceived, I can now say my Beloved is mine & I am his. Praise the Lord, a my soul for the glorious plan of salvation through a crucified Saviour. 01 the sweet wonders of that on which the Prince of glory died! there was more grace & love in that one action than all the angles{!) in heaven could comprehend; nay. eternity itself will be too short to unfold the incomparable love of the Lord Jesus Christ. down to this inferior from the lowest hell. How wonderful that he should assume our nature. come \~rld. bleed. agonize &die. that he might rescue rebels Well may all the expectants of heaven harmoniously unite in singing, "Jesus is worthy to receive honour & power divine. 1I Blessed be his name that the once jarring(?) attributes of Deity are reconciled. Now mercy & truth have met togather{!). righteousness & peace have kissed each other. can be just and yet jutify{l) the sinner that believeth in him. Now he Being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Monday fvtay 24th. No man that putteth his hand to the plough and looketh back is �5/1825 fit for the kingdom of heaven. 0 that this solemn truth may ever sound in my ears, when I am tempe ted or inclined to give the world that place in my affections which ought to be given to Jesus. Tuesday June 1st. Attended the funeral of Mr. GiS child -- While viewing his pallid countenance his breathless remains I fell awfully solemn. & thought I never again should be inflated with pride after seeing so humiliating a sight. but Alas! so prone is my heart to evil. that without Divine assistance I can do nothing. Friday June 3d. Mr. P. gave us another visit. and another argument have \~ had concerning our prinCiples. but ended where we began, namely he a decided U. and I a confirmed P. Sabbath-day June 5th. Our pastor has been absent these 2 Sabbaths. This has been a stormy, and wet day throughout; but diagreeable(l) as as(!) the weather has been, no argument could retard t1r. & Mrs. D. with their 1 ittle infant son from returning to their desired home. Could the temporary abode of those friends be so desirable that no persuasion now even discouragement should prevent them from returning to it. and shall I let any thing dishearten me from pushing forward to my everlasting habitation? I long to go home, I long to reach that holy, happy place, where God himself resides. 0 if my Lord would only say, Come up hither, how cheering would the invitation bel ~1ethinks. Should all the hasts{?) of hell and powers of death arise, They could not hold any spirit back, nor keep it from the skies. Sabbath-day June 12th. Thy kingdom come, has been the subject on which we were to day addressed. Oh, how I long for that day when the the(1) kingdom of Jesus shall embrace all nations; when all nations whom he hath made shall come &worship before him, & shall gloryfy(l) his name. 0 when shall it be fully established in my heart. when shall I esteem it as my meat and drink to do the will of my Father who is in heaven. June 19th. Went to St. Johnls Church & heard Mr. 8o\~n preach on the necessity of repentance, from the example of the prodigal who said. Father I have sinned against heaven & in thy sight &am no more worthy to be called thy Son &c. June 26th. lhough 1 have not been permitted to go to the house of God nor engage in his public worship, yet I think I have not altogather lost the day. I have felt a �6/1825 great degree of happiness in committing myself and all my concerns to God. My mind is tranquil and composed, my thoughts have winged their way up to the everlasting hills to contemplate the joys above. 0 heaven, Thou sweet aboee of peace and love, Where pilgrim freed from toil, are blestl Had I the pinions of a dove, I'd fly to thee and be at rest July 3d. Spent the evening in conversation with a dear friend. What a wicked heart is mine. should Ever prone to give the creature that place in my affection \I/hich be given exclusively to God. formal prayer. I feel a sad strangeness between God and my soul from cold & I pray often but look now for an answer from above: but while I consider at times of prayer every grace as coming from God, yet in the general tenor of my course, I seem to lay too great a stress on my own endeavours. unmindful of the strength of Christ. -- Itow rluch better is it to have a peaceful sense of my own unworthiness, and an humble waiting upon God for sanctifying grace, than to talk much, and appear to be somebody in religion, July 5th. Another monotary(l) call. Only two days since health, & now he is an inhabitant of the eternal world. thread hangs this mortal life. ~1r. H. was in perfect Ah! me, on what a brittle Who would have thought the strong, healthy robust J.H. could in so short a time have been conquered by the pitiless hand of death? But so it is. An occular proof that we must all die, and be as water spilt on the ground which cannot be gathered up again."(l) July lath. Sabbath day. To him that believeth Jesus is unspeakably precious. Yes, a yes, he is altogather lovely. lasting praises of men and angels. He is worthy to be celebrated with the everSeparate from him all the world is vanity and vexation of spirit: even my dearest earthly friends often cross my designs and disappoint my expectations, but 0 Jesus. thou art my unfa 11 ing portion. Amidst chang- ing scenes and varying friends, be thou my all in all. July 18th. Have been at Friends meeting. much pleased. Heard 4 speakers with 2 of them I was i'1y prejudice against that society is greatly removed. I have but one wish for them, myself, or any other sect, & it is a wish of charity; that what is wrong in any of us may be done away, because I long to meet them all in the kingdom of heaven. �7/1825 July 22d. Yesterday I had like to have been severly scalded, and to day narrowly escaped laying open three veins in my arm, either of which accidents might have put a period to my life, had not an over-ruling power interfered. "Good Godl on what a slender thread Hung everlasting things! The eternal states of all the dead, Upon life's feeble strings." July 25th Sabbath-day Never had such stoical sensibilities as I now have. see or hear makes any impression on my relentless heart. the funeral of a child. Nothing that I On my way to church, met Viewed it with as much unconcern as tho' I though(l) I believed "All men mortal but myself." 0 thou King of Zion, quicken me in the way, & help me to press with vigor on towards Inmanuel's land. July 28. The neighbourhood has become very unhealthy. If no less than 5 deaths have I heard this week, and many more are confined to bed of pain & languishing, from which they may never arise. Lord. when thy judgments are abroad in the earth. may the inhabitants thereof learn righteousness. July 30th. Saturday night. Watched the poor dying little J.B. who is evidently about to depart from this unfriendly world to him who hath said. Suffer little children to come unto me. & forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of heaven. July 31st. Sabbath day. Has edified by the services of the sanctuary. Felt some- thing of a devotional spirit in the house of God. but a heavy shower of rain came up & detained us 1 hour in the church after sermon. \'Ihen the general bustle fution(l) of the people greatly disturbed my meditation. & con- 0 how I long to reach the shores of bliss where nothing shall ever be able to interrupt my communion with the most high God. August 7th. Sabbath-eve. Hith heart-felt gratitude. I desire to acknowledge the sparing mercy & loving kindness of God to our unworthy family. While the destroy- ing angel is going from house to house, sheathing his deadly arro\'/S in the l=Iearts of young & old, an unseen hand preserves our breath. & screens our souls from ghastly death. Grant 0 heavenly Parent, that \'Ie may attend to the \'/arnings of thy providence. & may we thereby be excited to work with fear & trembling our salvation out believing it is God that worketh in us both to will & to do of his own �8/1825 good pleasure. August 14th. heaven. Oppressed with guilt a heavy load, I scarse(!) dare lift my eyes to Sin hath debarred my access to the throne of grace & I sigh in vain for the communion which I was once permitted to hold with my God. thy kindness to thy friend? 0 world! Is this Where are thy promised pleasures? Hhere thy boasted bliss? Must I endure my Father's fro\~s to gain thy deceitful smiles? Ah! no. For from my thoughts vain world begone, nor tire(!) my eyes, nor vex my heart anew; I cannot buy your bliss so dear, nor part \'1ith heaven for you. Teusday(l) August 16th. Invited to attend Mrs. W's funeral. The dysentary still rages with the greates virulence, the weather is excessively \'Iarm, but rejoice my soul, at this distressing time The Lord reigns & he can make our sickness issue in everlasting health -- I awoke last night almost overcome with heat. With the ten- derest commisseration I thought on the sick & afflicted, who besides enduring the heat of the aUlosphere are wrapped in feverish flames. In mercy. not in anger, Lord do thou chastise the sons of men. August 21 st. tly God, my God why hast thou forsaken me? Where is the blessedness I once knew? where the zeal & delight with which I used to engage in thy service? Alas my God! How imperfect is my piety! How languishing my devotion! thee too much for custom & in a very slight manner. I praise thee often with my tongue, & honour thee with my lips, when my heart is far from thee. bear to thee is not pure & I worship The love I fervantj & my charity instead of being burning is quite cold & lukewarm.-.. Return, return 0 thou quickning(l) Spirit and breath(l) 1 ife into my becalmed soul; reanimate my languishing graces, encrease(!) my faith, & restore to me the joy of thy salvation. August 30th. Drank tea with Mrs. L. The kindness and attention of friends in gene- ral to me is truely(l) great, and infinitely more than I deserve. But Oh! awful thought. Is this all the happiness I shall ever know? Dreadful indeed will be the doomed anguish of my heart should I be separated from this society and , to dwell with everlasting burnings. September 1st. Have this evening unavoidably offended r'lr. G. and the reflection of it has driven sleep from mine eye. He who searcheth the hearts and trieth the reinsof the children of men, knows that it is not my wish to wound the feelings of �9/1825 any person living; but what have I to do with worldly characters? 0 to be in heaven where all is peace, harmony, concord and love! But 0 my God, if I am destined long to live on earth, let me live entirely to thy honour & glory. Septr. 3d. Saturday. Hy father received a severe wound in his foot. and was carried home by 4 men. The sight awakened many painful sensations in my mind. 0 may many happy years rool(!) round before the(!) are realized. Sabbath-day September 4 For the first time these three months I have wept bitterly for the sins of my heart and life. Malichi(l). Heard a sermon preached from the 3d. of The day of the Lord approacheth, it hasteth greatly. But who may abide the day of his coming? and who shall stand when he appeareth? for he is like a refiner's fire, and like fuller's soap. great day? 0 how shall I appear in that Not all my repentance. prayers & tears can prepare me for its coming. but 0 blessed Saviour, let thy blood for me attone(!). IIJesus, thy blood and righteousness liMy beauties are my glorious dress; IIt1idst flaming \',()rlds in these array'd. IIWith joy shall I 1 ift up my head. II Sabbath-eve. Our Pastor favored us \'lith his company and presence. He is really a man of great tallents(l), & if he was only endued(!) with the zeal of the great apostle of the gentiles, what incalculable good he might do among this lukewarm people. 0 Lord, clothe thy priests with salvation, that thy people may rejoice in thy goodness. September 5th. Experienced the most acute defeat of hopes I ever met with. The source from which I promised myself much pleasure and happiness has proved a broken cistern, and altogather disappointed my expectation. Again and again have I felt that all beneath the sky is vanity & vexation of spirit; why then do I set my heart upon it? "~Jhat do I wait or wish for now, From creatures earth and dust? They make my expectation vain, And disappoint;my trust. 1I September 11th. Sabbath. Have felt sad and me1anchol1y(1) all day. The apprehen- sion of imginary(l) evils cause me to feel a real affliction and an undissemb1ed pain. But why so anxious about the future? Why distrust my heavenly Fathers �10/1825 care? When shall I learn to cast my burden on his arm, and rest upon his word? Setember(l) 16th. The objects of time and sense can never satisfy a mind formed for immortality. Repeatedly do I see that it is vain for me to build my hopes be- neath the throne of God. IIWhen we fail in getting what we expected, we are disappointed of iti but we receive it, and it does not answer our expectations, we are disappointed in it. 1I Thus bave I been disappointed, & I feel as though I have nothing to do on earth but prepare for heaven. What is the world \'lith all its joy? Tis but a bitter sweet; When I attempt a rose to pluck A pricking thorn I meet. September 18th. Pride and vanity are conspicuous in all I do. I seem to pray, read and hear without any good effects; all the knowledge I have obtained does not reform my life, and much as I say against the world, still it lives in myaffections. 0 for deliverance from the power of sin -- How long shall it be ere I get the victory over my spiritual enemies? works but of grace. But rejoice my soul, salvation is not of Exult in the name of Jesus, for whosoever believeth in him shall receive the remission of sins. Bless'd Saviour, may I in faith still journey on, Till I arrive where thou art gone, and see thy face in heaven. September 24th. the dead? Why am I preserved in life while so many are daily numbered with How can I remain in a torpid state while a voice from the tomb so fre- quently reminds me to prepare for the invi sible world -- f4y Uncle Wall ice & 3 persons of my acquaintance, have this week passed out of time into eternity while I am spared to anticipate another Sabbath. thy grace! 0 long suffertng God, how wonderous is How canst thou bear with a perverse wretch so long? Be astonished 0 my soul that thou art yet out of enaJess torment. September 25th. Sabbath. From the SOCiety of Misses N.P. & R.fl. I have just se- cluded myself in order to record my feelings and pour out my prayer to the God of heaven. 0 ho\\) consoling to my mind it is to believe that Jesus is more merciful than a tender parent, and welcomes all that come to him, no matter how great their guilt have been. Beautifully is this truth illustrated in that portion of sacred writ, to which Mr. B. this morning called our attention. is his people: Jacob is the lot of his inheritance. For the Lord's portion He found him in a desert �11/1825 land, and in a wast(!) howling wilderness: he led him about, he instructed him, he kept him as the apple of his eye. As the eagle stirreth up her nest, flutter- eth over her young, spreadeth abroad her \'/ings, taketh them, beareth them on her wings; So the Lord alone did lead him, & there was no strange god with him. Sabbath-day October 2d. Staid at home to let my sisters go to meeting Read Dobell and Flavel without receiving any good impression therefrom. Feel at present so vile and miserable, that I can only say, God be merciful to me a sinner. October 9th. The solemn season is again drawing nigh when I shall distinguish my- self from the world by taking my seat around the standered(!) of Immanuel IS cross. o may I be prepared for that all important day. I feel almost too unworthy to pre- sent myself at the Lord's table, so conscious am I of my guilt since the last sacramental occation(1). But a that sweet promise, I have just read in Ezekiel, quite overcomes my hard heart. & answers every rising objection. member my covenant with thee in the days of thy youth. and(!) everlasting covenant. What can Haria more say? & Nevertheless I \,/i11 re- I will establish with thee 0 my God. fulfil thy prom- ise, &grant that I may indeed receive a prelibation of heaven. Friday October 13th. t.fr. R. and G. spent: the evening with us. their innocently lively and agreeable conversation. regret. Was pleased with Nothing occurred to give me 0 may I ever act under the impression that Thou God seest me. October 14th. Saturday. of to-morrow. Have been trying to prepare my heart for the solemnities Heard the preparitory lecture delivered on the importance of communi- cants exercising repentance towards God. and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. 0 God, grant to encrease my faith, inflame my love. enkindle my zeal. renew my repentance. sanctify and save my soul. October 16th. Sabbath eve. I ask it for the Redeemer's sak.e. Amen. Ten thousand thank.s to thee my adorable Redeemer, that I am again seated in my chamber. and permitted to record another instance of thy great goodness. I have this day been near. very near the eternal world. been exposed to the greatest danger. & yet received no injury. I have I can no more doubt the providential care of God over me. than I can that I ever saw the sun or felt his invigorating influence, so often has he appeared for my deliverance. Though I sincerely thank God for my preservation, yet I have never felt more resigned to die. 0 how sweet would it have been to my spirit so soon after holding �12/1825 converse with her God below to have taken her flight to the regions of irrmortal glory. But I must tarry a little longer in this adverse world before I see my Saviour face to face. 0 my God. it is enough that thou hast promised thou will never leave nor forsake me. my eternal gain. 0 may my life to Christ be given, that death may be 0 what incomparable glory is displayed in the cross of Christl Would to God. that I could always bear it in rememberance, and under its sacred influence live and die. 0 God my eternal refuge, I long, I ardently desire to be wi th thee. I fear my treacherous heart will aga in depart from thee. 0 for a Almighty sight. a pleasing sight of my Father's throne, There sits my Saviour dress- ed in light Clothed in a body like my own. Octr. 26th. fvty poor, fool ish, inconsiderate brother has thisoorning. \'l1thout any just cause, left his father's house, & gone. heart achs(l) for his rash adventure. I know not where. Poor fellowt my 0 my God, I corrmend him to thee. Be thou his guide through all his wanderings, renovate his his(!) heart, forgive his sins. and let this mysterious dispensation of thy providence prove a blessing in disguise. October 23di Sabbath-day ~1y thoughts constantly persue my brother. Oh1 my poor vagrant brother. where art thou? 0 that God would direct thy feet into his sanctuary, & make his own way to thy heart. 0 that thou mayest find a friend among strangers who shall be more faithful to thy best interest than ever thy faithless sister Maria has been. 21 years have we 1 ived togather. and in that time I have never once dared to warn him of his danger, or direct him to the Saviour We have now parted perhaps no more to meet till we meet at the judgment seat of Jehovah. Should he remain impenitent till that day, Oh1 what dreadful meeting would it be to me. Justly might he then exclaim, Ah! my sister. my cruel sister! you profess yourself to be the follower of a meek & Benevolent & irrmorta 1i ty in your vie\'J, led to endless woe. & Saviou~. How could with heaven 1et me unmol ested travel in the downward road, that Had you faithfully warned me of the evil of sin, & its de- structive tendency, instead of being thus separated. we might togather have spent a happy eternity; but now I am lost! for ever, 0 forever lost! Hethinks if I shouls even gain a seat among the blest, (& if it were possible) these thoughts would spoil my bliss above. But how lamentable is my case. I know my duty & cannot perform it. There is my (1) P. who wi 11 nei ther speak to me nor permi t me to speake (1) to Mm. Shew pity Lord. 0 Lord forgive. October 29th. The day of the week and month are almost ready to expire togather. �13/1825 and to me this has been the most dismal day as well as month I ever sa\". Why this confution(!) in our family? 0 my God. restore peace. November 3d. news. Heard from H. - he has gone to sea. My heart almost bleeds at the He has gone far from the means of grace, far from ordinances. & I fear. is far from God and living without Christ in the world. But 0 Lord thou hast been found of them that sought thee not. & I will take encouragement from this circumstance to hope for his conversion. Be thou his pilot through the mightly deep, let thy grace persue him where'ere he goes. & pluck him as a brand from everlasting burning before he launches into the dread ocean of eternity. November 4th. son. heart. ~1r. R. called again this evening & bid us adieu for a sea- In him we found a truly sympathising friend; his parting prayer reached my May the Lord reccompense(l) him for his kindness, grant him gifts & graces adequate for the sacred ministry, & make him useful in building up his cause & kingdom in the world. November 6th. Mis death. Received a farewell letter from Adeline, & had information of Hr. Upon the whole, I spent the day rather gloomy -- Thought on the awful situation of my brothers & p~ayed that the day of their redemption might soonl dra\'1 nigh. November 10th. Attended prayermeeting{l) & was exhorted to enter in the straight gate, and walk in the narrow path that leads to life. 0 may that exhortation sink deep in my heart. 0 may I never run astray, nor rove nor seek the crucked(!) \'1ay. November 13th. How reviving it is to go to the house of God, and listen to the doctrines of the cross. The apostle Paul, was so ravished and transported with this glorious doctrine, that he was contented to take up with the accusation, Paul, thou art beside thyself. Well might the enraptured apostle exclaim, No wonder! For the love of Christ constraineth us. because we thus judge, that if one died for all. then were dead: & that he died for all, that they whi ch 1i ve shoul d not henceforth 1 ive to themsel ves, but unto him \I/hich died for them and rose again. unfathomable is the love of God! 0 how It is a deep where all our thoughts are drowned. I long to explore its unsearchable mysteries within the portals of Paradise. My highest ambition either in this world, or that ""hich ;s to come, is to know the love of God which passeth knowledge. �14/1825 November 19th. The retrospect of this week like many that I have spent, affords me little pleasure. What vain thoughts, what trifling imaginations have gained access to my mind! 0 how vile my heart must appear in the sight of infinite pur- ity! Forgive my guilt 0 Prince of Peace, & deliver me from condemnation for the Mediator's sake. Thursday Novr. 24 Paid a visit to In the evening the society met for ;,latthe\'/ prayer, when 11r. Babbitdelivered a very animated lecture from St.\ 11th, ~1rs. B. 28 & 29th. Come unto me, all ye that labour. and are heavy laden, & I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, & learn of me; for I am meek & lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest to your souls'. The discourse was impressive, & found its way to my heart, particularly the description of the death-bed of an aged se1fdeceived sinner. But I forbear. for on this melanchol1y(1} theme I can neither permit my thoughts nor pen to dwell ---------November 27th. "There is no wisdom nor understanding nor counsel against the I wish H. had thought of this before he embarked on the raging element. Lord~ Who that hardeneth himself against the Lord hath prospered? 0 my heavenly Father. I beseech thee to preserve him from the horrors of the mightly deep, and 0 let not his soul go down to the pit seeing thou hast found a ran some. Saturday December 10th. Contrary to all our preconceived opinions brother has arrived at home. Hay hi s frui t1 ess and unsuccessful voyage be attended wi th the happiest consequences, even to lead his mind to that source, whence all true enjoyment is derived. December 17th. "This life is a dream, an empty shew" -- yes, to my sorrow I have this day seen it verified. Hains is dead! The amiable, the much admired, the beautiful Mr. John Never did I read such a lecture on human vanity before. Oh, how striking to see those eyes once sparkling with vivacity, now closed in death! 1 ips which often del ighted the youthful circle, forever sealed! those those ears that gave attention to the soft, whispers of affection, now deaf to its most alluring voice! How changed, how pallid that lovely countenance! once active limbs! how cold, how stiff those that heart which but a few days ago beat high with hopes of earthly happiness, (and perhaps was devising plans for years to come) has now ceased to beat. the vigorous spirit has fled. and nothing here remains but the emanciated image of my once lovely friend! 0 death! cruel, unrelenting. iron-hearted death, �15/1825 How couldst thou direct thine arrow at so fair a mark? How couldst thou make the heart of an aged widow, & an affectionate brother and sister to bleed afresh? Ah! But behind the scene I hear a voice saying, "I even I am he; I kill, and I make alive. wound and I heal: neither is there any that can deliver out of my hand. For I 1ift up my hand to heaven, and say I 1ive for ever. II 0 righteous Father, bless this bereavement to the family, and especially to the friends and associates of the deceased. 0 may the youth of this place, realize and feel that they are mortal and every moment exposed to death. 0 may they see the instability of all things here below, and may they not defer to the last moment the vast work of preparing for eternity. December 25th Christmas. ing. It has rained all day, therefore I could not go to meet- Read j\1ilton 1 s Paradise Lost. From it I turned to the Bible, and never before did I read the 5 Chap of Romans with so much interest. Blessed Gospel! Glorious gracel how reviving to believe what was lost by Adam was more than restored by Christ. 0 unexempled(1) love! godly." IIHail Son of God, Saviour of ['ten, thy name Shall be the copious matter of my song. "Hhen we were yet sinners, Christ died for the un- Henceforth, and never shall my harp thy praise forget, nor from thy Father's praise disjoin. 1I Sabbath-tiay January 1st 1826. past! "Lol another year is gonel Quickly have the seasons Thi s we enter now upon Hill to many prove their last. II How many changes, what strange events have come to light within the last 12 months. 0 my God! what sickness, what death. what disappointment what distraction have I witnessed the past year! But every murmering(l) thought be hushed, because much greater have been my mercies than my woes. bellion to my sin. Forbid it 0 indulgent Parent, that I should add re- Sustain me under all the conflicts of this mortal state, aid me in the performance of every duty, remit all my crimson crimes, and •••••••••••• IIGrant 0 my Father and my God, This sweet, this one requeast(l) Be thou my guide to thine abode, And mine eternal rest. 1I January 12th. (Paragraph crossed out, ill eg i b1e) January 16th. ~1r. B. addressed us on the last prayer which our dear Redeemer was �16/1826 ever heard to utter in this world: do. Father forgive them for they know not what they Thus ended the life of our benevolent Saviour, and thos hath he left us an ex- ample that we should follow his steps. January 23d. Read the life and sermons of the Revd. Dr. Edwards. Received some valuable information from it concerning the wisdom of God displayed in the way of salvation. If after this information, I should dispise(l) or neglect the great salvation, a how aggravated would be my guilt. January 28th. In the midst of health & plenty I am discontented; thus plainly do I see that a man's happiness consisteth not in the abondance(l) of his possession. I am at a loss to know what to do. January 30th. Sabbath morn. a for that wisdom that is from above to direct. With joy I welcome another Sabbath. liOn this sweet day my Lord arose, Triumphant o'er the gravel He died to vanquish all my foes. And lives again to save." Blessed Jesus, bannish the world & worldly cares far from my mind. smiles, and let me tast(l) love. Grant me thy Thy preasence(l) only 'tis can make me blest, Heal my unquiet mind & tune my soul to rest. e·) Febuary~ 5th. Dearly do I love to hear the gospel's joyful sound, and meditate on an absent Saviour. but when shall my faith be turned to sight? when shall I see him as he is? When. a when shall he appear to be admired of his saints & to be had in reverence by all that love him. Saturday eve. Febuary 10th. the Spectators. a Employed much of my time this week in reading that I could daily improve in wisdom, kno\'11edge, and the fear of the Lord! but alas, in all my researches after knowledge, this only have I found out, "That the imagination of my heart is evil. only evil, and that continually." Febuary 12th. Aga in have I vi sited the sacred courts of the most High, & enjoyed the sennan more than any I have heard this winter. Text. And Hoses said unto Hobab, we are journeying unto the place of which the Lord hath said I will give it you: come thou with us, & we will do you good for the Lord hath spoken good concerning Isreal(l). Numbers 10th & 29th. �17 /1826 Febuary 26th. SlIIeetly encouraging was the text for the day. "If ye then being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how more shall your heavenly Father give the holy Spirit to them that ask him." rvtarch 9th. Have just closed reading a celebrated novel, and must confess the pleasure or profit it imparted was far from ballencing(l) the time it consumed. What vain amours, what empty stuff! God, but Ohl how insipid when compared to the word of let me not draw the unequeal (1) comparison, 'tis worse than sacral ige (1). ---- Thrice sweeter sacred word! How Jehovah pours his stores of love, his melted heart, into thy darl ing page, that messenger of grace, -- where rapture flows on rapture. every line with rising \'IOnder filled! hO\<J from its rainy pools, my soul enraptured drank, the Spirit of eternal joy, of that unutterable happi- ness which l.ove alone besto\<Js upon hi s favoured few! How soars my mind beyond this futile world! On swollen thought, my heart flies to the bosom of her distant, her Eternal Fair, my l.ord my God, my All. March 12th. The anxiety of my mind has for some \I/eeks past been unusually great; but to-day have I overcome all my uneasiness by simply trusting in Jesus. 0 how delightful it;s to have a Father in heaven, how soothing the promise, "Commit thy way unto the l.ord & he will direct thy steps. 0 God, be thou my support while. "Through this wilderness I roam, Far distant from my blissful home; o let thy presence by my stay; And guard me in this dangerous way." ~1arch 14th. This evening was devoted to the society of the accomplished ****0) who dwelt with rapture on cards, conundrums and other fasionable(!) amusements of the present day. For those who have too much time to prepare for eternity this may do well enough, but how cup1able should I be if I should engage in such pastime. (1). Of these accomplishments I must deny myself the pleasure. till I can believe that Jesus will honor them with his preasence(!) and blessing. Harch 16th. Saw my much Esteemed Friend ---- who advised me to improve my mind by reading & study; encouraged me to wait upon the Lord, and the path of duty ••••• would be made plain before me. r-1arch 19th. "0 Lord thou art my God; I will exalt thee, I will praise thy name, for �18/1826 thou hast done wonderful things. thy counsels of old are faithfulness & truth. Thou hast promi sed to be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of troubl e. II o my covenant God involved in deep distress. I claim the support of thy all-power- ful arm while on thy word I place implicit faith. Once more I solemnly record it that on the 19th of March 1826, I do wholly entirely & without reserve commit myself to the triune God. firmly relying on his promised grace for all I need for time & eternity: and if I am disappointed. I believe I may set myself down as the first who ever trusted the Lord in vain •••••••••••••• Maria Patten. March 27th. Miss C. &Mr. R. spent the afternoon with us -- In their society I talked a great deal. and laughed to excess. Ah how ungovernable is my disposition! Resolved in future to watch against this evil propensity. Sabbath-day April 2d. My soul was melted under the preaching of the word. The Saviour appeared incomparably excellent -- Felt disposed in his righteousness to glory, and warmly interceded that all my dear friends might become the willing subjects of KiQg Jesus. Aprile(l) 3d. Walked out this evening in company with three young ladies, and again engaged in foolish trifling conversation. consistently? When shall I walk steadily with God? When shall I constantly in view? Aprile 9th. 0 my soul, when will thou live hold my heaven When shall I be liberated from this body of death? Under the preaching of the word to-day I detected my beseting sin. which is that of vain, impertinent, wandering thoughts. How incongrusos for a professed desciple of Christ: to indulge in such flights of fancy. such ravings of the imagination! Oh. how wicked is my heart! How great my cause of humility! Is it possible I am deceiving myself? Am I yet in gall of bitterness, and in the bond ," of iniquity? If so, why this uneasiness under the burden of sin? Why this earnest longing to be delivered from its captivity? Oh. what an impotent creture(l) I am! '''I cannot do the good I would nor keep my conscience clean. "Lord save or I perish," yea eternally perish. April 13th. Spent a portion of this evening in particular self-examination. Think there is no person living who has so much cause of abasement as I. 0 my inward pol1utionl I long 0 my guilt and vileness before Godl l4hat shall I do? ardently to be cleansed and washed from all my sins in the blood of Jesus. Oh. �19/1826 to be made like God and fit for the kingdom of heaven. Saturday April 15th. Assisted in performing the last act of friendship to Hiss Letitia Gault. When shall some kind friend perform the same office for me? a shall I be wrapped in my shroud & laid in my narrow house? When how I desire to reach after a blessed imortality(l). to be unclothed of a body of sin and death. and to enter the blessed world where no unclean thing enters. April 16th. '''Woe to them are at ease in Zion. II Am lone against whom this fearful denunciation is proclaimed? Am I at ease in Zion? Is the world my deity? are all my hopes bounded by earth & have I no compassion for the souls of my perishing fellow mortals? If so, then indeed woe is me for I am undone, but blessed be God, I know in whom I have believed. and though I can call nothing my o~m in this world If my heart deceives me not. I think I can say Jesus is my inheritance. Sabbath eve. Hith Miss J.G. I spent the evening -- She was extremely ill and expected every moment to depart. At her mothers request I engaged in prayer. but was afterwards sorry I did, so much \'/as she in bondage to the fears of death that a everythingserious terrified her. that I had grace given me to be faithful How sinful this guilty complaicencel(l) How much better is it to deal Plainly & faithfully with the hearts & consciences of sinners \,/h11e they are in the land of the living, than to flatter(?} them with false hopes till they find themselves in that land. \'Jhere repentance is of link blot}, where peace & rest can never come. Lord forgive my sinful (ink blot) & a hasten the hour of my release. Blessed be God. what others esteem the King of Terrors I esteem as the (ink blot) of Comforts. the welcome messenger.to call the weary Pilgrim home. I wish to say Thy will be done. but still I long for heaven. a come my Jesus quickly come Life without thee is life forlorn, a take thy longing captive home. 1-1y soul for earth \lIas never born. Aprile 23. Saturday evening. The sickness & sudden deaths of which I have recently been apprized(1). have I trust had a salutary effect on my mind. serious & composed. bation of Heaven. Never felt more Care not what the world says of me, if I may enjoy the approThink I could freely leave the dearest earthly friends I have for the society of angels & the spirits of just men made perfect: my affections �20/1826 tend towards the blessed Author of every dear enjoyment. I see the emptiness & un- satisfactory nature of the most desrrrable earthly objects, and would cheerfully renounce them all for God. Sabbath-day April 24th. convinced of my depravity Read the 1 He of the good ik. Brainerd. & Feel more deeply un\oJOrthiness than I have felt for years past. If tir. B. who was so devoted to God, so dead to the enjoyments of the world. so holy & heavenly minded, if he complained of barreness and an unprofitable life. what shall I say of myself? 0 how I long to realize the charactor(!) of a pilgrim & stranger on earth, & to fill up every day & hour in some useful employment for my Redeemer. Aprile 29th. peace. To make my conversation agreeable to a friend, I have injured my own Ohmy leaness(?), my leaness. my contrariety to God, my pride, levity & vanity testify that my heart is exceedingly depraved. 0 how guilty do I feel! nothing but the word of God can calm my fears, nothing but his superabounding grace can save me from the 10\,/est hell. Sabbath Aprile 30th. Besides the sick-bed of Jane I spent this day. Was delighted to hear that she had obtained a hope and was quietly waiting for the salvation of the Lord. In the afternoon Hrs. B. called, prayed and conversed with her on the glory of heaven, & the happiness of the saints that arrive there. Felt very solemR all day -- thought it would be an a\,/ful thing if I should be excluded from that bright world where they have no need of the sun nor moon, for God himself is the light thereof. (Paragraph crossed out. illegible). saturday May 6th. Renewed the dedication of myself to God and expect to-morrow to seal the engagement with him at his table. t1ade a resignation of all I had, & all I am to toO) the Lord -- made another effort to give up the idolized object of my affection. Felt longing desires offer holiness, & thought if all my dear friends should forsake me, still I should have enough in God. With the psalmist I could interogate. Whom have I in heaven but thee, and there is none upon earth that I desire in comparison of thee? Hast thou a rival in my breast? Search, Lord, for thou canst tell. If ought can raise my passions thus, Or please my soul so well No, thou art precious to my heart, My portion and my joy; Forever let thy boundless grace r,ly sweetest thought employ. �21/1826 Sabbath-morn, Hay 7th. Rose early. and walked out for meditation. The surround- ing scenery was fine indeed. & everything I saw conspired to lead my mind to devotion. The green fields, the blooming tress (1 ). the \"arb1 ing songsters reminded me of that praise which was due to my adorable Saviour. But O! their Author, the the(l) blessed Redeemer died to purchase these. to purchase infinitly, richer b1essi ngs for wretched rebel me! 0 may my right hand forget her cunning \'Ihen I hi s unequea11ed(l) love forget. Sabbath-eve. At the communion table of our blessed Lord. I enjoyed a rich repast. I know not why it is but always after a communion season I long to die. Hope the hour of sweet release is drawing nigh, as my health appears to be on a decline. to hear the voice of my Beloved saying behold I come quickly! add Amen. Even so come Lord Jesus, come quickly. 0 How readily could I I find it good for me here to draw nigh to God, it is pleasent(1) to spend a day with him on earth, but 0, what are all the privileges we enjoy on earth compared to the felicity of the saints in heaven! Oh. how I long to possess that love to God, which is the very essence of Christianity! 0 to be freed from sin & every imperfection! to be sanctified in body. soul & spirit, & prepared for a mansion in the skies: farewell brothers & sisters, dear friends farewell. friend of my soul adieu. then farewell Father, Farev/ell sin & sorrow; thou The enjoyment of your friendship is pleasent, but cheer- fully would I part with it for better friends above. 0 to be encircled in the arms of my redeeming God. how sweetly \'lill Eternity roll away, while I sing It's Christ that died, it's Christ was slain. To save my soul from endless pain. It's Christ that died, shall be my theme, Hhil e I have breath to praise hi s name. May 8th The solemnity is over. Angels have witnessed the deed, and it is recorded in heaven what improvement I have made of the gospel-feast. very awa~ning{!), & to me highly interesting. The exercises have been On Saturlday tk. D. preached from St. John 21, 15 Simon son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? Sabbath morn. Luie 9 & 56 For the Son of man is not come to destroy mens lives, but to save them. Afternoon ~'1r. B. addressed us froni,l'corinthians 16, 22. Lord Jesus Christ, let him be Anathema, r'laran-atha. If any man love not the t1onday, the services were concluded by Mr. D. from 2 Peter, 3 & 14th. Wherefore, beloved seeing ye look for such things be etiligent(1) that ye be found of him in peace, without spot, & blameless. Dont know that ever I heard a sermon with more profound attention. Endeavour- �22/1826 ed to real ize the a\,/ful events of the last great day, when the heavens shall be rolled togather as a scroll, when rocks, and hills, and flood shall be dissolved in one vast and general fire. My God. fit me for these momentous scenes. hide me beneath thy overspreading(!) wings. sprinkle me afresh with the peace-speaking blood of Jesus. that I may meet these tremedous(l) realities with a tranquility of mind which no hypocrite could ever attain, which false apostalesnever know. ~1ay llth. Thi s day was spent in making preparation to vi sit my friends in Octo- rara -- Nay the blessing of God attend me thither(?) may I conduct in a becoming manner. believing that awake or asleep at home or abroad I am surrounded still with thy presence. Frdday t1ay 12th. Spent the night with r1rs. 13 •• and with the utmost kindess did she treat me. Felt ashamed that any of my friends should show me any favor. Oh. . .1S known to myse 1f • they wou 1d th,me ink the v11est . d 1·d t hey know my heart as 1t of all creatures living. West Fallowfield ~'ay 13th. This being the day previous to r1r. Lis communion. I heard the preparitory(!) lecture preached(by Ik. Dare) from Isaih(!) 40th, 29 30 31st. He giveth power to the faint, & to them that have no might he encreaseth strength. Even the youth shall faint & be weary, & the young men utterly fall. But they that wait upon the Lord shall rene\,1 their strength: they shall mount up they shall run & not be weary, they shall walk & not faint. on wings as eagles: Lord's day t1ay 14th. Communed with the church at Octorara. Mr. J.L. &Mr. D. assisted a1t~rnate1y r·1r. Francis Latta in dispensing the feast -- Think if ever I enjoyed a pre1ibation of heaven it was on this day. All my doubts were dispersed. all my fears fled away, and I felt disposed to glory only in tile cross of Christ. and in his salvation I desire ever to rejoice. Tuesday May 16th. Came to my friend Hannah's & with her staid two days -- Her con- versation was edifying, her advice excellent and her kindness unbounded. Lord what am I that I should be so highly favored. Sabbath-day ~tay 21 st. Went with cousin D. to Faggs r,1anor -- Heard a most solemn & interesting di scourse del ivered by my favori te preacher t1r. Graham, from 2d Peter 3, 10 & 11. But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the �23/1826 which the heavens shall pass away ''lith a great noise. & the elements shall melt with fervent heat, & the earth & the works that are therein shall be burnt up. Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation & godliness? Saturday r'1ay 27th. r~y In one continued round of visiting have I passed this week time would here roll pleasently along, could I but make greater attainments in the divine life -- The society met at Aunt Tabitha.'s this evening for prayer. I did not experiance(l) that enlargment(!) which I usually do when supplicating the the(!) throne of grace: thus fully am I convinced the fear of man bringeth a snare. However I was edified by the prayers of my dear sisters in Christ particularly Adaline's. Sabbath-day May 28th. Again had the privilege of hearing Mr. L. text, For when we were yet sinners Christ died for the ungodly. Had no enjoyment this day -- Felt such a degree of lassitude that I could scarsly keep my eyes open. How a~ing(l ) that I have not long since opened them in everlasting despair, r1ay 29th. revived. Conversed I with a Christian friend on a rel igious subject & was somewhat Religion is generally professed in this place, and many by their constant practice say liAs for me & my house we will serve the Lord." Hith such society as this I love to spend my time, but still I find a continual series of visiting is not propitious to my growth in grace. I long to be in my own chamber again where without interruption I may morning evening & noon call upon my God. & commune with my Saviour. r·1ay 31 st. vigorous \~ent & to see a lady who is one hundred and ten years old. heal thy. and had it not been for a deficiency of hearing would have been very conversable. xious to depart. She said she had lived a long long time, but she felt an- 0, said she with uplifted hands, I can never be enough thankful to God for his goodness to me during my long pilgrimage. the Lord! She appeared 0 that men ""ould praise 0 that I could get you all to magnify his name, for he is worthy of your most devout homage. 0 he is a merciful forgiving God _.. though my sins reach the heavens. yet his mercy is above the heavens. I have been young, now am I old. yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken; nor will he ever forsake them that confide in him. �24/1826 Friday June 2d After having spent J weeks among my friends, t'1r. D. brought me home -- Feel thankful for all the benefits I have received since I left it. I do not expect ever to revisit Octorara -- hope I am more weaned from the world than ever I was -- Desire nothing in this world so much as holiness 0 I long to be in heaven -- hope my time will on earth will be short. Sabbath-day June 4th. Had some prifitable(!) religious conversation with Mr. Laird, and in the afternoon heard Hr. Taylor on the nature & usefulness of faith from St. John 3d 14 & 15th. As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so believeth in him might not perish, but have everlasting life. June 10th. Sadness &depression have again seized my spirits and the past has been an unhappy week to me. 0 how dreadful to endure the hidings of God's facel None but those who have experianced(l) it, can conceive the anguish of a soul deprived of Jesus' love. So vile do I feel. so contaminated in the face. What shall I do? 0 that I could take the wings of the morning flyaway to my adorable Saviour & be at everlasting rest. 0 "Lord I Hait for thy salvation. II I cannot live without thy light, Cast out and bannished from thy sight, Thy holy joys my God restore And guard me that I fall no more. June 11th. Felt indisposed in body but more composed in mind -- Has refreshed by reading the 1st & 2d Chapters of Hebre\'1s and could rejoice in the unchangab1e perfections of God, For in that he himself hath suf.fered. being tempted. he is able to succour them that are tempted. Great Concern June 18th. Mr. Halyburton's(?) has effectually kept me fr.om drowsiness this day -Think I am the most deformed. sinful, proud creature in the universe. Feel quite oppressed with a sense of my guilt and unvJorthyness(!); & am determined by the assistance of divine grace to per sue a different course in time to come. I proud? What have I to be proud of? Nothing but deformity formed to the world? & sin. 0 why am Hhyam I con- Shurely(j) it is not because I expect any advantage from it -- 0 no; it has often. indeed it does always disappoint my expectations. and I wish practically to say No longer will I ask your love, Nor seek your friendship more. The happiness that I approve is not within your power. �25/1826 June 25th. Went to meeting this morning & heard Nr. B. on spiritual knowledge. Text, "For many have not the know1 edge of Chri sti I speak thi s to your shame. Came home burdned(1) with a sense of my failings & guilt -- Had recourse to a throne of mercy & found relief -- Blessed be the Lord for this privilige,(l) Prayer makes the darkned(l) cloud withdra\'Ji Prayer c1imes(l) the ladder Jacob saw ••• Gives exercise to faith and love ••• Bring ev'ry blessing from above. June 27th. Tired wi th the labour and exercise of the day how s\'/eet is it to turn aside & spend an hour with my books and pen -- After a season of darkness and deglimps(!) sertion I humbly trust I have had another' of the Sun -,of Righteousness. 0 how the light of his countenance irradiates my path, refreshes my spirits, composes my mind, and fills me with joy unutterable. 0 continue thy loving kindness towards me & let me ever rejoice in thy favor for liTis thy sweet beams create my noon, when thou withdrawest 'tis night. II 0 my God, may thine arm be my support, and let thy statutes be my strength and song in this the house of my pilgimage; then how pleasent will it be to look forward, & anticipate the happiness of that house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. July 3d. The shaddows(l) of the evening are stretched out, and for the privi1iges of another Sabbath I shall ere long have to give account. as usual. The day has been spent Heard a sermon in the morning and devoted the afternoon to reading, but Oh! how little of the spirit of religion have I felt 0 how greatly I wish to lead a consistent holy & devoted life. but Alas, I fall infinitly short of it! I could obey the apostl 's(!) injunction 0 that Be not conformed to the world but be ye transfortmed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove \'1hat is that good, 8. acceptable, & perfect will of Christ. July 7th. Finished harvasting(l) & got the crop secure in the repository. praises, what gratitude do we o\,/e What to our bountiful Creator for the blessings of this season -- but Oh1 I hope we are not receiving all our good things in this life. God forbid that any of us should at last have to say, The harvast ;s past, & the summer is ended & we are not saved. Saturday eve. July 8 The eve on which we formerly met around the social alter(l) of devotion has returned, but alas! Where is the society? No longer do I hear �26/1826 the voice of prayer & praise which has so often exhilarated my sinking spirits, and for a season bannihed(l) the world far from my thoughts -- Ohl what a spirit of coldness & indifference has evertaken this congregation. but doubly lamentable is it that it should even reach to. & be the means of overcoming our praying SOCiety. a Lord revive thy work in our souls, for how would Satan exult should one praying soul be lost. Sabbath July 9th. ~1r. B. at Chestnutlevel. Employed the whole day in reading Hr. Scott's life -- Was very much affected with his dying excersise(!) -- What a mercy that any thing has power to move this adamantine heart a that the Spirit of God may operate more powerfully upon my mind, that so I may be transformed into the divine image & fitted for the church triumphant ••• I long for that delightful hour, ~Ihen from thts clay undress'd; I shall be clothed in robes divine, And made forever blest. July 16th. Mr. L. preached at Mr. G's -- text, For I am a stranger and a pilgrim with thee as all my fathers were. Trust the word was brought home to my heart. I do feel that I am a pilgrim & sojourner on earth and that I am travelling on my journey home. a that I could realize the responsibility of my charactor,and for- getting the discouragements of the way. press with redoubled ardor towards that city, which hath foundations, whose builder and maker is God. July 18th. Found my way to the cottage of the desolate, affl icted S. t1'Connel, of whom it may truely be said, she is "afflicted but not forsaken. cast do\'lO. but not in despair. Blessed be God, for a religion which is so well calculated to allevi- ate the sorrows of the widow in distress, and console her under the pinching hand of poverty & affliction. troublesl How thankful I should feel for an exemption from these How glad I am that I have any thing to bestow upon the pious poor! "Bless the Lord, a my soul & all that is within me bless his holy name: for he hath crowned my life with loving kindness and tender mercies. 1I July 23d. Sabbath-day -- Had the pleasure of hearing the Revd. lvlr. Barr. Text, Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away? Then Simon Peter anwered him. Lord, to whom shall we go? thou alone hast the words of eternal 1ife. (St. John 6 67 68) & Was delighted with the sermon -- Read over the \'1hole Chapter after I came home, and felt fully satisfied with the gospel method of salvation. Jesus appeared �27/1826 just such a Saviour as I needed, and to verse 47th introduced with a solem{!) asseveration{?) I could add my hearty Amen. How profitable is the grace of faith! "Verily, verily I say unto you. He that believeth on me hath everlasting life." Had some pleasing insight into that mysterious union that exists betwixt Christ and believers. Was so charmed with the 53d verse Except ye eat the flesh and drink the blood ••••••••••• of the Son of man, ye have no life in you. that instead of saying with the jews, This is an{l) hard saying, who can hear it? I could thankfully exclaim. This is a faithful saying, and well worthy of all acceptation that Christ Jesus Came into the world to save sinners of whom I am the chief. o that I could live more to the glory of that God whom I profess to serve. and who I hope, has bought me with his blood. 0 that I could shake off this listlessness. and exert all my faculties in the service of my Redeemer. Shall the world exibit(!) nothing but bustle and activity? And shall I indulge myself in indolent repose? I. who have eternity in view, who have turned my back. on the world, who beleive(!) in the awful realities of heaven and hell. God grant that my whole time may be spent in some useful employment, that so I may at last reach the shores of everlasting happiness, And see the New Jerusalem, Where my beloved Jesus is. And spend eternity \'I1th him. Sabbath July 30th. this morning. i~y indisposition prevented me from going to the house of God Passed the forenoon in my chamber alone -- read the Young Christian's Guide, prayed, & wept alternately. & glorious perfections of Jehovah. before him! Had some exalted thoughts of the majesty. mercy, \~ha t a poor i nsigni ficant worm I must appear How have I offended him, and what an everl at i ng (!) \vonder that such a sinner as I. dare yet hope in his mercy! Fain(?) would my soul with rapture dwell, On thy redeeming grace. 0 for a thousand tongues to tell r,'ly dear Redeemer's praise. August 6th. Mr. & Miss E. Bryan, ~liss I·'lills & Mr. P. came to see us. The old controversy was again introduced and much was said on both sides, perhaps some things \'Ihich had better been unsaid. but I hope it will be attended with no bad consequences to those that heard it. to me it never can for the word of God shall be my guide, Jesus Christ is the Rock of my salvation nor will I renounce my faith in him for all that mortal man can say. Should all the forms that men devise Assaul t my fa 1til wi th treacherous art. �28/1826 lid call them vanity and lies And bind the gospel to my heart. Wednesday August lOth{?) This afternoon my dear Eliza left me. I could have wept when she bid me adieu, had it not been for the presence of those by whom I was surrounded. During her stay. we had much conversation concerning our spiritual and temporal interest. She repeatedly said, let us wait on God. and seek direction from him, and he will guide us in the very way we should go. Sabbath-day August 13th. 0 for a close vo/alk with God. A calm and heavenly frame. A light to shine upon the road. That leads me to the Lamb I have been meditating on thy works 0 God. I have been viewing the beauties of creation, but in all the universe. there is nothing like thee. alone I desire, it is thou alone canst make me happy. It is thy self Thou art the glory of heaven, thou art the unexhaustable source of all true enjoyment. in thy presence the cherubims vail their face, and tremble with fulness of joy. Why then must I remain at such a distance from thee, why must I spend this Sabbath in sollitude(l) while they are spending an everlasting Sabbath with thee. that heavenly society? 0 '<then shall I be admitted into I long to be freed from all sin that I may worship thee without weariness through eternity. August 16th. Saw my venerable friend ~1rs. C. Has much pleased \'/ith her truely(l) Christian conver.sation. Among other things she told me that r,1iss B. is under serious concern about her immortal soul. a how thankful should I 1 ie that in this time of general deadness &declension God is calling any to himself. a Lord re- vive thy work. Saturday August 19th. Poor ~1r. P. is extremely ill with a bilious fever -- Have just heard his tife is despaired of -- feel quite concerned at the information. May God have mercy on his soul. 0 merciful Jesus, spare him a little longer that he may detect his errors, forsake his sins, and realize his need of a Saviour before he goes hence and enters into an awful eternity. Sabbath-day August 20th. Heard the edifying tir. Ashmead from Romans (3d, 10) none There is ~ righteous, no not one. Felt the force of this humiliating truth, but �29/1826 thought I could look a\'Jay from all my guil t & defilement to Jesus my Hidingplace who paid the dreadful debt, which I could never pay. and even now before his father God, pleads the full merits of his blood. another special interposition of Providence. After sermon I experianced Hy horse reared, threw me off and fell almost upon me, and yet I escaped unhurt. t·1ercyt Hercy! a that I could continually praise the Lord, for his goodness and mercy endureth for ever. Thursday August 24th. The Or. Call1d this evening and gave his opinion on my health -- he assured me that my suspicion of approaching decay was groundless & that by useing(l) the means I might soon expect to enjoy as good health as ever I had. Pleasing as was this assurance from one in whose judgment I can confide, yet will I not remit my preparation for the invisable(!) world, for perhaps this moment some unexpected messenger stands \',a i ting for hi s commi ssion to call me home. August 31st. With the most intense longings after heaven have I spent every day of this week -- Dont know how I could reconcile myself to the thought of living here three score years and ten -- Think myself the most useless and inSignificant being on earth -- have nothing to detain me here. here to satisfy my mind. There is nothing to be found There are indeed many gaudy vanities of specious appear- ance, but I would cheerfully close my eyes on them all to behold the glorious Deity a how I long to see my dear Redeemer, and join with the bright armies to praise his adorable name. abo~e The unfeigned language of my heart is, Come Lord, nor let thy promise fail, Nor let thy charriot{l) long delay. Sabbath eve; September 3d. Deeply impressed is my mind thi s evening \'Iith a real i- zing sense of the world1s vanity. Attending to a solemn discourse this morning, -- hearing of the recent death of the Reverend t1r. Dare -- and feeling a severe pain in my head, all remind me that the world and the vanities thereof passeth away, but the \'lCrd of God abideth for ever. a let me treasure up his v/ord in my heart that when absent from the body I like my good friend, may be present with the Lord It is only 3 months since I heard him preach the unsearchable riches of Christ & distribute the sacred symbols of a crucified Saviour to the church of Octorara. Ah, 1 i ttle did I think that that \'Iould be the last communion season we would enjoy togather on earth, little did I think his sainted soul would so soon expand her(!) wings & soar to the regions of imnortal glory. t~ethinks I yet see him stand at the alterll) and with tears of joy commemorate the dying love of Immanuel: I yet hear him exclaim, a communicants, liVe are not your o\'iTl, ~1ethinks ye are bought with a �----------------------------30/1826 price therefore glorify God in your body & spirit \'/hich are Gods." Thus faithfully did Mr. D. perform the duties of his holy calling and now (no doubt) he is a guest at the marriage supper of the Lamb. 0 may our t1r. B. in 1 ike manner be faithful unto death that he also may receive an immortal crO\'In of glory. September 9th. Patience has again taken possession of my soul. failings & defects. withstanding all my cares. Feel happy not- Religion indeed sanctifies all. She is my unchanging friend & only comforter -- She leads me to the alter sacred to the Most Highi teaches me to bend the knee in humble adoration & praise. wipes away my flo\'1ing tears. supports me under all the changing scenes of 1ife. & points to to(!) that glory & blessedness which soall never fade a\'IaYi "By patience \'Ie serenly(!) bear, The troubles of our mortal state, And wait contented our discharge. Nor think our glory comes too late." September 12th. resent. Heard that .... _- have spoken reproachfully of me. ~Jell I am determined the more I am reproached, the more I will pray. I will not Yes. I will pray for my enemies alsoi I will say Father forgive them & if we cant be friends here. grant that I may meet them in heaven. where calumnity & reproach can never come. Sabbath-day Septr. 17th. t1r. B. preached from the parable of the prodigle(!) son. For this my son was dead and is alive again. was lost and is found -- Was much affected with the discourse-- Came home longing for contrition of heart and enentire (l) crucifiction to the world -- 0 my God can I do nothing for thee? Why is my life prolonged if I am to remain in this state of inactivity and uselessness. that thou would open a way for me in which I could gloryfy(1) thy name. would I live ••• thine September 28th. son. ~~uld 0 Thine I die ••• Thine would I be through all eternity. Have just been app;zed(l) of the death of cousin John Daniel and What a painful berevement(l) to his young vlidow to have her darl ing son, and bosom companion torn from her embrace within 2 days of each otherl May the Lord support her under this heart-rending affliction. bless her surviving infant. be their guide and counsellor(!) though(l) life. and bring them at last to heaven, where the deceased ever aspired to go. and where he lodged many prayers for their safe arrival. �31/1826 Septr. 29th. Friday morn. tion and unhallowed passions. Had fresh cause to mourn over my remaing(!) corrup- o that I could always act with prudence and dicre- tion (! ). Septr. 30th. Last ni ght \'Ias spent in very 1i vely company -- To avoid the appearance of singularity I engaged in some of their diversions. and as is always the case after such conduct, I have felt miserable all day, thus dearly do I purchase the pleasure of the world. For the future I am determined to renounce these trifling amusements. for they always disturb my peace, wound my conscience and leave a sting behind. Sabbath-day October 1st. The gospel, the blessed gospel bring a balm for all my wounds, disperses my gloom and fills me \'1ith a joy which the world can neither give nor take away. This morning the 6, 7 & 8th verses of the prophet Isaiah were bless- ed to my soul -- And in this mountain \lIill the Lord of hosts make to all people a feast of fat things. a feast of wines on the ( ? of ~lines on the lees{?) well refined. ). of fat'things full of marrow, And he vJill destroy in this mountain the face of the covering cast over all people & the vail that is spread over all nations. And he will swallow up death in victory, from off all faces, & & the Lord God will wipe away all tears the reproach of his people will he take away from the earth: for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it. Octr 13 Had prayermeeting here this evening. ~1r. B. spoke on Isaiah 22 & 2d. And a man shall be as an(!) hiding place from the wind, and a covert{l) from the tempest, as rivers of water in a dry place, and as the Shadow of a great rock in a weary lands Felt happy during the whole exercises. 0 Jesus! be thou my refuge and hiding-place while I remain in this weary world. Saturday Octr. 14th. Heard Hr. [,10rrison preach on the blessed hope. and the glori- ous appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ. -- On my return found several friends, which prevents me from making any further observations on what I have heard. Sabbath morn. 15 Have retired from my christian friends to hold converse(!) with my heart, to meditate on God's word, to implore his blessing and examine myself before I approach his sacred alter. Never felt so unprepared for the solemnity. fear I shall enjoy no communion with my Saviour this day. ~ty I sins rise like moun- �32/1826 tains betwixt me & him. -- 0 that my load of guilt were gone! 0 I cannot bear to be numbered among the outcasts of Isreal (!). But if I am a hypocrite, what means these fears, these anxieties respecting my state? Why so happy when kept from it? sin? so \'/retched when I fall into l~hy Hhy if I formerly renounce the world, and how was I able to rise superior to its vanities, if I never ''las a recipient(1) of grace? Shurely(l) if my heart has never been changed. then from what have all my former views, experiance. enjoyments, desires & conflicts and feelings been derived? If I am deceived, what means the happy Sabbaths I have enjoyed. the delightful feeling I have possessed when at a throne of grace? And shall grace be given in vaiin? Certainly not. "t1y God permit a creeping worm to say. Thy Spirit knows I love thee. To dare to love a God! And grace accepts. \~orthless wretch, But grace requires, Thou seest my labouring SOUli Weak as my zeal is, yet my zeal is true; It bears the trying furnace. Constrains me. I am thine. Love Divine Incarnate Love Has seized. and holds'me in almighty arms. Here's my salvation. my eternal hope. Amidst the wreck of \oJOrlds and dying nature. I am the Lord's. and he forever mine!" Sabbath-eve. I will sing of the mercies of the Lord. I \'/ill declare his faithful- ness unto the following generation. and well my soul may glo\,1 with gratitude. and my lips proclaim his praise. for he hath been better to me than all my fears. He hath again condescendingly maifested(1) himself to me in the breaking of bread. & again have I felt the greatest complacency in renewing my covenant engagments(1) & consecrating my soul & body to be entirely the Lord's. With Jacob I have vowed a vow, saying, If God will be with me. and '</ill keep me in the way that I go, and will give me bread to eat and raiment to put on, then will I deliver myself up as candidate for a station among the missionaries in the western wilderness and will spend and be spent in his service. Long has my mind been exercised on this sub- ject, on it my thoughts most constantly dwell, and my ardent desire & fervent prayer for the Indians is, that they may be brought to the knoledge(l) of salvation through Jesus Christ Monday October 16th. The past has been a delightful, interesting soul-reviving �33/1826 communion season to me. Yesterday afternoon heard Mr. Hoyt (from Charlston South Carolina) preach a most ir1pressive sermon on Hebrews 11 & 1st. Now faith is the sUbstance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen. To-day our pastor addressed us from phillipians 3, & 2d Set your affection on things above & not on things on the earth. After sermon r'1aria Russle (an acquaintaince(1) of mine) devoted herself to the Lord in the ordinance of baptism. Her serious coun- tenance and the solemn obligations under which she voluntarily came, affected me to tears. Feel this evening an ardent desire to devote the remainder of my days exclusively in the service of him who bought me with his blood. t1y feel ings are different from what they were after the sa~e occation(l) last Spring; then I de- sired to die, but now I feel quite willing to live if I can in any way be employed for the glory of God. & 0 that he would make the path of duty plain before me, give me grace to walk therein If I can do nothing for him. I care not hO\'1 soon I sink to repose, for existance(!) will be intolerable if I 1(1) cannot live to him who died for me. Octr. 22d Mr. B. preached from 1st Timothy (3d & 16) is the mystery of godliness: Hithout controversy great God manifest in the flesh, justified in the Spirit, seen of angel s, preached unto the Gentiles, beleived(!) on in the \'/orld. received up into glory. October 29th. Have felt sorrowful most of this day 0 sin, thow art the disturber of my peace! thou would make me forget my God, and live at a distence(l) from him. Cursed evil, thou art the prolific parent of woes innumerable. May God grant me grace to set my face against thee forever, and oppose thee with all the powers of my soul and all the strength I have. November 3d Expected information from P---a, but received none How frequently do I feel the pangs of disappointment! Hhen shall I learn to live above this deceiv- ing world, and confide more in the infinitely blessed God. Sabbath-day Novr. 5th. Read the memoirs of Hr. Buck -- but felt very little of the spirit with which it was indited(?) in this vale of tears. r~y 0 what perpetual changes am I subject to way is hedged up, & I scarsely kno\'1 what to do. Ador- able Redeemer, keep me from unbelief; hast thou not promised that thou wilt never leave nor forsake me? 0 then be propitious to my waiting soul. me feel thy quickning pO\'/er, rouse me from my spiritual slumber Holy Spirit, let & suffer me not to �34/1826 grow cold careless in thy cause 0 my God, it is my greatest desire to live to an~ thy glory, and be for ever devoted to thy service. November 8th. Visited S. Leasly & ~J.A •• found them both confined on beds of languishing, and Mr. A. under a course of severe medicine. thus exemplifying Job's declaration, t1an that is born of a l'-IOman, is of fe\'l days and full of trouble. -Hhat shall I render to my God for exemption from sickness and disease? 0 that my 1 ife which thou hast made thy care. may be devoted thee Thanks, eternal thanks be to thy name 0 heavenly Father for all thy favors to me to a sinful worm. be duelJ~!) sensible of thy goodness and may I learn to die daily that so I may at last die happy. done. 0 may I I have ever desire to die suddenly but not my will but thine be One thing do I desire of the Lord & that will I assiduously seek after, that all the days of my life & forever I may dwell in the house of the Lord to behold the beauty of the Lord, & to inquire very reverendly into his holy temple. November 10th. How many things daily occurs to wean me from the world! So many unmeaning professions of friendship, so much insincerity, so little real religion do I meet with, that I am weary of the fashionable circles of life, and frequently wish to live in the desert, surrounded by Indians, with no one to converse \'lith but the missionaries of the cross and the Creator of all things. Friday. Had 1'1iss SIS company this afternoon, and went ~"ith her to prayer- meeting 0 that I could make a good improvement of all my priviliges -- I want to live in peace. and possess that holiness without which no man shall see the Lord. Sabbath-day November 12th. 0 Ephraim, what shall I do unto thee? 0 Judah, what shall I do unto thee? for your goodness is as a morning cloud, and as the early dew it goeth away. How tenderly does God expostulate with his people! truely I can say the courts of God were this day amiable to my soul. I have thi 5 day heard for mysel f and not for others -- 0 that that(!) I could 1 i ve more to the honour of my divine r'1aster and exhibit the fruits of the spirit in my life but Ah, how evenescent(?) is my goodness! like that of Ephraim & Judah. it soon goeth away. I have no strength in myself to resist sin, but 0 Lord thou knowest I hate it. It is this that is the cause of all my sorrow, it is this that grieves my heart & makes me go mourning from day to day. Against it may I main- tain an eternal war, and over it may I obtain a compleat(!) victory through thy superaboung(l) grace. 0 gracious Redeemer, permit a guilty helpless worm to lean �1- 35/1826 on thy kind arm; make thy strength perfect in my weakness: whatever troubles I am under, whatever afflictions I am called to endure whatever difficulties I may meet with in this world. I only ask that thou wilt keep me from this dreadful, soul-destroying enemy. Amen. November 16. The glorious king of day has once more appeared in the East. and sheds his warm & cheering beams on all without -- 0 that my feelings were in unison with nature, that inanimate creation I could rejoice in the smiles of my Creator; but Alas! direct steps. darkness surrounds my path & I know not what to do. 0 my God. Choose all my changes for me, and guide me 0 thou great Jehovah, pilgrim through this werisome{!) world. Sabbath-day November 19th. Heard ~1r. B. preach from Luke 16, 8th. And the lord commended the unjust stewerd{!) because he had done wisely, for the children of this world are in their generation wiser the children of light. 0 that I may learn wisdom from the example of the men of the world, and while they weary themselves mammon. in acquiring the unrighteous l may I be as diligent in laying up treasure in heaven, so that when I fail, my God may receive me into his everlasting habitation. Monday-morn. 20th. Expect with the divine permi ssion, on this day week to Set out for Philadelphia -- 0 that the preasence(!) & blessing of God may attend me, and mpy he grant that this visit may be the most auspicious of any I have ever made in my life. May I remember that wherever I am, or in what engaged, that I am Christ, and that it becomes me at all times to live in awe of Him who is invisi bl e. November 21st. Received the much desired letter, and read it \'Iith tears -- Feel more than ever, the importance of waiting on the divine Being for direction & protection. Remember me, 0 my God, for good, let the light of thy countenance shine upon my path, and wherever my lot may be cast, be thou my inheritance and I can ask no more. Friday November 25th. True1y the Scriptures iltre inexhaustab1e mines, and \'Ie11s of salvation which never fail. This morning was favored with nearness of access to the mercy-seat and ardently pleaded the promises of God for my own salvation, the salvation of my father & family, and entreated the Lord to have mercy on tMiS part of Zion -- Read the 37th Psalm, the 3d, 4t.h~', & 5th verses of VJhich were encouraging �36/1826 to my heart, & strengthened my confidence in God my Redeemer. Frequently have I exclaimed, I know not what to do, but there I read my duty plain: Trust in the Lord, & do good, so shalt thou dwell in the land, & verily thou shall be fed. De- light thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him. and he shall bring it to pass. Lord I credit thy word, I commend myself to thee; here would I dismiss my every anxious unbelieving thought, and my petition is that thou mayest be glorified in my life & death, and that after death I may live again in the enjoyment of thy love through endless eternity. Saturday November 26th. Amen. HO\'1 quickly has thi s \'1eek fled away. and I scarsely know what I have done -- It is true I have buried myself in preparing to go to the city, but what preparation have I been making for eternity? Alas how deficient am I in this most importent(1) work! Lord eneable(l) me to make my calling & election sure, before I enter the invisible world for them there will be no place for repentance, there my destiny \</ill be irrevocable: 0 thou Omnipotent Being teach me to redeem time so that every hour may be filled up with its proper duty, because death is fast approaching, & that night wherin(l) no man can \'lark is drawing nigh. Quicken me, 0 my God in the way and grant that I may finnish(!) my couse(!) & fight the good fight of faith, so that I may receive a crown of righteousness which shall never fade nor decay. Tuesday November 28th. Ny brother and I arrived at Philadel phia through much mercy -- Nothing important happened on the way -- The country appeared bleak and barren. and as barren \'1as my IRY(!) mind of spiritual thoughts -- 0 when shall I be able to rise above the Horld, and mount up as an eagle's wings tov/ards heaven. November 28th. Spent the night in very gay company at ~1rs. B's. Has tempted on their account to retire to rest without bO\'1ing before the r10st High -- What a wretch I am thus to accommodate mysel f to the customs of the \A/orld and not keep up so much the form godl iness -- I know that God may be worshiped(1) without a form he is a Spirit, & spiritual worship is most acceptable to him, but if If(l) I neglect what I kno\'I to be my duty then farewell enjoyment, misery and woe are my portion when debarred from communion with my God Hy 1ife i tsel f without hi s love. No tast(l) or pleasure could afford; I \I/Ould but a tiresome burden prove �37/1826 If I were bannished from the Lord. Wednesday November 29th Came to the hospitable dwell ing of [Itrs. [-t •• was kindly received by her and my dear El iza. In duty my heart overflowed \'Iith love to God for his benefits 0 how unworthy am I of the attention I receive I am unworthy of the least of God's mercies, and yet he is loading me with his bennefits(!)! truely he is the God of my salvation. November 30th Thursday eve. Heard the Rev Dr Hill son lecture on the del uge. both pleased & profited by the discourse. Was Hhat a mercy that there is some mini- sters who preach the gospel in its purity -- 0 that their number may be increased. Friday December 1st. Spent the day in Miss M's school -- felt serious and compos- ed. and in the evening on hearing one of the schoolars(l) recite the Dying Christian I was affected to tears. 0 my God, thou knowest It is my sincere desire to glorify thy name, and if I cannot do so. 0 let the vital spark become extinct. let me quit this mortal frame, and languish into eternal life. -- In the evening my friend & I went to the praying society. and to me it was none other the house of God & the gate of heaven. Blessed be God for the means of grace and the prospect of glory. Sabbath day December 3d. Heard two sermons at Dr. Ely's church -- himself in the morning & a stranger in the afternoon -- Hi th the morning service I ''las much*pleased it being so appropriated to my feelings -- Comfort yet comfort ye my people with your God. o my Thanks be to God for the consolation of the gospel, grant me this heavenly parent and I shall be happy, yea unspeakabley happy December 4th. i''irs. t'1ills and I walked out to see the river and the snips in the harbour -- The scene was ne\'J, and reminded me of the ri ver, the streams ,·thereof maketh glad the city of our God -- Saw a small vesel(!) in the midst of the river surrounded by foaming waves & rising billows -- A true picture said I to myself, is this of the Christian sailing through the tempestuous ocean of life -- 0 may Jesus be my pilot, his v'I'Ord my guide, his Spirit my comforter until 1 (1) I arrive at the peaceful shore of blest eternity. *The year 1825 is wri tten on the top of thi s new page. Probably a mi stake. �38/1826 December 5th. Had most se1f abasing views of myself in prayer this morning. M Think I am the most insignificant creature in the world. and wonder why any person should shew me favor. The attentions"of my friends to me is truely painful to bear -- 0 God reward them for their kindness to such a sinner. Thursday Decr. 7th. This day was set apart by the synod of Philadelphia as a day of fasting humiliation & prayer. Heard Dr. E. preach a very appropriate sermon from St l.uke 19th & 41st. And \l/hen he \'Jas come near. he beheld the city & wept over it. Has much affected during the discourse and I trust felt true humiliation before God for my own sins and the sins of the land Enjoyed a most delightful season at the throne of grace -- pleaded for Gods blessing to dwell upon this our highly favoured land, that he would rule our rulers. govern our governers. bless our ministers and missionaries. and grant that the people of America may be that happy people \,/hose God is the Lord. Sabbath December (blank) Went very early thi s morning to Friend's meeting to hear the celebrated Elias Hicks. At half past 9 the gates \\Iere opened, and in ten minutes the house was fi11'd to overflowing -- About a quarter of an hour after. Elias appeared, and after ten minutes silence rose up to speak, The subject on which he spoke \'/as.l.et love be without dissimulation. He said many good things. and I cannot deny that he is a great reasonar(!) but some of his sentiments were so ambiguous and approached so near to infidel i ty, that I can scarsely think he is a believer in the meek and lowly Jesus. The latter part of his discourse led me to draw this conclution(1) -- far be it from me to judge any man rashly but when I hear any person declare that the benefits of Christ's death and attonement extend only to the children of Isreal, How can I call that person a Chri stian? It was with this unfavorable opinion of the Friends I expected to go away, v/hen Jonathan Evans rose up & said it \~as not his wish to disturb the solemnity of the meeting, but to prevent strangers from forming a wrong opinion of the sentiments of the SOCiety -- he knew that some would infer from \'lhat had just been said, that they did not believe in the merits of the Saviour. but said he we do believe in the Divinity & Attonement of Jesus Christ, that to him all power is given in heaven and earth, that he is King of kings, & l.ord of lords, and we believe he came not only to the. lost sheep of the house of Isreal, but he came to save us also from our sins He was seconed in what he said by Josoph(1) Loyd(?) and never was I more delighted than to hear that the society did believe in the fundamental articles of our holy rel igion r,iy early prejudices \\Iere compleatly(!) overcome and I sincerely desire to �39/1826 meet many of them in that world where there is neither Quaker nor Presbeterian(!). Episcopalian nor Methodist, but whe~e God is all in all. Afternoon Heard Dr. Willson preach on the sin against the Holy Ghost, and in the evening went to St. Paul IS to hear the Biship(!) of Ohio who rarrated{l) the state of religion in that part of the Lordls vin yard -- t1y heart ached \'Iithin me to hear of the degradation, unretchedness and ignora(!) of my fellow mortals. how I long to hear of the spread of the gospel in the West. 0 If ever I indulged a wish for the riches of this \'Iorld it was to promote this glorious cause & had I thousands at my command it should all be given up to promote the cause of religion; but while I can do nothing to further the cause of Christianity by property, let me never forget to do what I can by my prayers. December 11th. Spent the evening with r1rs. piS \'/here there were 3 gentlemen play- ing cards -- The family consisted of ten persons 6 ladies and 4 gentlemen -- Was received & treated \'1ith civility but was not at all pleased \'1ith the conversation the principle topics being balls, theatres and other places of amusements -- How insipid are the pleasure of the men of the world! Blessed by God he has given me a relish for pleasures more sublime. Wednesday Decr. 13th. How invaluable are the priviliges I here enjoy -- Mrs. M; and I attended Dr. Els lecture and to my great joy saw a missionary of the west (Mr. Vail(?)) who has been labouring among the cherokee Indians for 6 years. He gave us a short sketch of the progress of the Mission and then preached on the necessity of a change of heart previous to our entrance into heaven -- text I will take away the hard & stony heart out of your flesh, f1 esh. ~Jas & \Adll give you an heart of very much affected and longed that many of the heathen among whom he has been labouring may experiance this change of heart and tast the sweet of the gospel. 0 God bless the dear missionaries of the cross, make them useful and abun- dantly successful in winning souls to the Lord Jesus & in ushering in that day when all shall know the Lord from the least unto the greatest. Thursday December 14th. Attended Dr. Hillsonls lecture which to me was a real feast. The subject this evening was the calling of Abraham the destruction of Sodom. and the offr1ng(J) up Isaac -- 0 how instructive to attend these lecture What a mercy to have such a pastor so thoroughly furnished to every good work. God grant that his life may be long spared and that he r.1ay live to compleat his interesting lectures on the Bible. �40/1826 Friday December 15 Again have I been permi tted to meet with the children of God to engage in the delightful employment of prayer and praise 0 that I could value my privil iges aright 0 that my mind may more frequently deHell (!) on eternal things. & contemplate 0 my God sanctify my heart spiritualize my affections, then let my condition be \'Ihat it may. I iesire to be contented considering that all things are appointed by God. who maketh all things work togather for good to those that love him. Sabbath-day December 17th. Have spent another del ightful Sabbath here, but find I have need to remember the Saviour's Admonition Take heed how ye hear, lest I be a hearer only, & not a doer of the \'1ord -- This morning heard Dr. E. on St. Luke 23 & 42 43 And he said unto Jesus. Lord. remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom. And Jesus said unto him. Verily I say unto thee,To day salt(!) thou be with me in paradise Afternoon heard ~1r. t1r. f1'Calley from Proverbs 14 Kenady from Romans ( 8 & 16. & 3d 4th) and in the evening, He is indeed an able minister of the New Testa- ment and at the same time a very eccentric man The discourse was impressive and I hope will long 1 ive in my remeberance(!). Blessed Jesus, Clothe me with the garments of thy righteousness for other refuge have I none Friday December 22d. Through kind Providence I have again arrived at home and Ebenezar will here errect(l) my , ,for Hitherto the Lord has helped me. Where ever I am goodness and mercy attend me -- Have been introduced to several of God's children while away, enjoyed many precious priviliges. heard much Christian conversation, and was received with unvariable kindness \'1here ever I went. 0 God who am I, that I should be brought to kno\'1 thee and to be honoured wi th the acqua intance of thy dear people. ~~hy is it that such a depraved creature is not bannished from thy presence to dwell in darkness for ever! December 24th Did not go to meeting to-day, but read the book of Ecclesiastes. Felt pensive and sad & thought if it \<las my Maker's \'Ii11 I should rejoice to leave this vain and vexatious \'JOrld. 0 for more piety & usefulness, this only can recon- cile me to a long life. Thursday December 27th. Hitnessed the marriage of and waited on my firend Niss G. the celebration was very solemn, and I hope that the union into She has entered may reach beyond the grave. nay God bless them. and grant they may be united to Christ, so that when the marriage contract ;s dissolved by death they may have the pleasing �.. 41/1826 hope of meeting in heaven Sabbath-day December 31 st. Accompanied my friend yesterday to r1r. H's and thi s morn- ing went to hear hear(l) the Revd. H. Latta. Text for I am not ashamed of the gos- pel of Jesus Christ, for it is the power of God unto salvation to everyone that bel ieveth. Spent the evening in solemn reflection on the lapse of time, giving thanks to God for the mercies of the past and imploring his protection ing year & blessing through the com- And now, being about to close the year, & my Journal togather, I find I have abundant cause to be ashamed of my thoughts words & actions; but blessed be God I am not ashamed of the gospel for notwithstanding all my folly I hope thro' Jesus Christ to obtain ~alvation. � Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Chamberlain (Levi) Family Journals Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Chamberlain, Maria - Journal - 1825-1826 Description An account of the resource <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">Maria Chamberlain</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">March 19, 1803 - January 19, 1880</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 200%;">Maria Patton submitted herself to become a candidate for the missionaries on October 15, 1926, believing she would save Native Americans. Instead, she found herself on the Parthian sailing to the Sandwich Islands. Maria became an exception to the rule as she did not have a husband when she set sail on her mission. Maria kept a journal from 1825 to 1859, that detailed her biggest life experiences and challenges.<br /><br />Maria started her journal in 1825 when she was still in Salisbury, Pennsylvania and not yet apart of the mission. She would detail almost everyday of her life, focusing most of her attention on Sunday’s as she would talk about the sermon she heard or her time at church. She would include the mundane aspects of everyday life to her exciting journey to the Sandwich Islands. In her everyday life, Maria took care of her eight children and would entertain visiting guests with a hot cup of tea. Sea captains to royalty to fellow missionaries were always welcomed in the home of the Chamberlains. Since Maria and Levi were close to the royalty, they were updated on political affairs of the government. She wrote how Madam Boki prepared for war as she did not want to give up Oahu. In the end, other chiefs were able to calm down Madam Boki and major conflict was avoided. Maria would end her journal in 1859, 34 years after first starting in 1825.</p> Rights Information about rights held in and over the resource If you would like permission to publish or reproduce this material, please send your requests to archives@missionhouses.org Publisher An entity responsible for making the resource available Hawaiian Mission Children's Society Library at the Hawaiian Mission Houses Historic Site and Archives